The Covid Commandments

People have been paying attention to the Ten Commandments for thousands of years, so I think the Government has missed a trick by not writing out the rules for behaving during a pandemic in a commandment style.

As such, I’ve done it for them. You’re welcome!

1. I am the Lord thy God, but you can call me Boris Johnson

2. Thou shalt have no other Gods before me, so don’t listen to Chris Whitty

3. Honour thy mother and father, if they’re vulnerable and shielding

4. Thou shalt not steal, in case the person who touched it before you had tested positive

5. Thou shalt not commit adultery, except with someone with your social bubble

6. Remember the sabbath day, and if visiting a garden centre wear a face mask

7. Thou shalt not covet they neighbour’s wife, if she’s just returned from a non-safe passage location and needs to quarantine for 14 days

8. Thou shalt not murder, by coughing or not washing your hands whilst singing Happy Birthday twice

9. Thou shall not covet thy neighbour’s lounge, but you can covet their garden unless there are more than 30 visitors

10. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain, if you don’t win at bingo, because you shouldn’t be at bingo anyway